Got a weird anonymous letter! Hate mail might be too strong a word for this - it’s more of an eccentric grievance-filled screed than a violent threat. The only creepy part is that the writer looked up my address but that’s public information so whatever. Pretty sure this is a legitimate communication from someone who got rubbed the wrong way by my writing, and not a prank. Success!

Redacted top-secret information that would be easy to find on multiple databases.

Chef Alex you CHUD you exploitative twerp take your meatballs and corned beef and bacon and shove it up your gutter thus flooding your roof and creating a rooftop wetland sanctuary for migratory birds the least you could do after destroying all the habitat by buying meat.

This is a creative opener and I like the idea of people making rooftop sanctuaries for birds. As an anti-fascist I’m the opposite of a CHUD but that and the corned beef mention hints that the writer has gone through my blog, which is flattering.

Do not buy beef or pork again or you will be corned this means marinated in chunks of salt you will not like it.

The writer is playing the role of an aggrieved vegan. Don’t they know that animals are killed first before preserving their meat in salt? I certainly would want to be slaughtered first before being cured or pickled - that would be more humane.

TVP textured vegetable protein and spaghetti sauce were made for each other and their love is eternal this is the only foundation for awesome sauce.

They should do a big budget superhero movie about some textured vegetable protein that falls in love with a plate of spaghetti sauce.

You can add many appropriate veggies such as eggplant as desired and this comes with the secret ingredient the joy of knowing you are not such a piece of shit any more.

No! Textured vegetable protein is kind of horrible and if you eat too much of it your digestive system will clog. Calling me a piece of shit is mildly threatening but good to know I can reduce my piece of shit score by putting eggplant in marinara sauce.

Get a good mix of Italian-like vegetables and TVP and it will blow your mind, I am a homeless person my life is very harassing which you are part of and I need my mind blown at every opportunity.

The writer is homeless and claims that my mutual aid for the homeless is harassing. Getting your “mind blown” is hippie slang so maybe this person is a boomer.

“Not expecting feedback from this visit and not needing any” means you don’t care what anyone thinks and you see fit to dump inappropriate offerings on people who are not allowed to say no to you in order to promote yourself and make a buck and you don’t care if people with a conscience go hungry for not wanting to add to climate change.

This refers to my story about dropping off beer, weed, food and propane to a tent encampment. As far as promoting myself with a Substack blog that may be true even though I use only my first name. The reason the writing is part of the Nirvana Wok project is that I want other people to see that they can do small scale mutual aid too. You don’t need to join some sort of huge organization in the non-profit industrial complex, like Feeding America, which is run by a former Walmart executive. You can just cook some food and go deliver it yourself. Or knit some socks.
As far as “making a buck” other than my mom sending a hundred bucks Nirvana Wok has not taken donations and has no plans to do so in until 2022, if ever. And I’ve spent a great deal of time and a bit of money on the project. And we raised over $2000 for the Nickelsville Tiny House Villages with our annual spaghetti and meatballs dinner. There was a vegan option.
Compare this to some food bank executives who make million dollar salaries.
The writer – unlike me – has a conscience. And large scale meat production contributes to climate change. Who knew?

All I need most is a stable planet so I do not die of smoke in the air or get my tent or tiny house blown away by a flaming sharknado faster than I can even die of nausea from talking to Scott Morrow.

Toxic air is a real worry on the West Coast of the United States, especially if you are sleeping rough outdoors. Luckily the smoke this season was not that bad. Sharknados are not common but if one did hit Seattle it would be filled mostly with relatively tiny, harmless dogfish sharks and maybe a couple of sixgill sharks. Those grow to be 20 feet long, so that could be problematic.
Here we have one real clue about the writer - his mention of Scott Morrow. I had to look up who he is and yes, Scott Morrow has long made his living helping the homeless. Digging deeper reveals alleged mismanagement, corruption and dirty dealings - not uncommon in the sometimes shady world of Seattle charity organizations with tax-free status.
“Being “barred” evicted from a camp or shelter is the most common disciplinary action taken by SHARE staff against a homeless person. And it is certainly the most harsh. A bar can be 1 day, 3 days, 7 days, 30 days, or permanent.”
Morrow seems to revel in the power he has to evict people from homeless camps. Charming.

Vegan and local or you will burn in hell and get roasted well done. So there.

To me being vegan would be like burning in hell.

–Alex

Yay! Our First Hate Mail!

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